The recent past and where I am

Six moths ago I lost my job. I was the only person providing for my little family of three…and than I wasn’t. Nick, or as I like to call him my boyancé (we’re not officially engaged but we know that at some point we’re eventually going to get married), was staying at home, looking for a job and taking care of our little man, Corbin, and I provided for us in the mean time. Then it was gone. A lot of stress then ensued. We lost our car, we had to move in with his parents and sisters and are still currently crashing on their couch. It’s still stressful but we’re getting through it.

In this six months I’ve done countless applications, had two interviews, and still am without a job, and the same goes for Nick (although he’s been at it for a lot longer). It’s frustrating because I want to be able to provide for my son, but I’m not getting an opportunity to do so. Not having a house to call ours because of the lack of jobs is frustrating too. I try my best to help out around Nick’s parents house. I clean, I do community laundry, I do the dishes, but I know it’s not enough. I’m not saying I’m the only one doing these thing either. It’s hard to please a family that started out not really liking you and, for some members of the family, haven’t warmed up at all.

Near the end of August my grandma got admitted to the hospital after weeks of coughing and hacking. It was found that she had a fracture in her back and had lung cancer. Earlier this year Nick’s grandma was diagnosed with lung cancer also. So we had this to add to our stress of staying with parents and not having jobs. Unfortunately at the beginning of September my grandma passed away, and a few days later so did Nicks. These two women will be forever missed. My grandma was the one constant female in my life after my mom passed when I was ten. She always made sure that you knew what she thought of you. That trait sometimes got on my nerves, but that is the one thing I will always remember. She wasn’t afraid to speak her mind on any subject, especially when it came to her own feelings. The same could be said of Nick’s grandma. Even though I only knew her for a relatively short amount of time (Nick and I have been together for four years) I still saw her as a part of my family. She was there when my son was born, coaching me through, not letting me get pain meds until she knew it was a good time to get them. Once the drama of Nick’s ex was fading away I started to feel more accepted and loved by her and that was a good feeling. Now that these two wonderful women are no longer with us we are mourning them the best we can and trying to move on with what we need to do for our families, because that’s what they would have wanted us to do.

In the last month we’ve also been coming to our own conclusions that Corbin may be autistic. His doctor was concerned because he is a year and a half and has not uttered one word yet. He babbles a lot, just doesn’t say anything. So we were referred to Early Childhood Intervention. They went through the evaluations and determined that Corbin is eligible for their services and now he’s going to get an employee from there and a speech therapist coming to see him. They will provide an autism specialist for us if we request, which we will, and they will start visits for that too. Honestly, this doesn’t scare me at all. I don’t feel any stress about it. It just means that we’re going to have to work with our little man more than other parents have to work with their kids. I don’t see anything wrong with that. My little man is smart, I already know that just by watching him play and figure out things on his own, so I’m not worried about him talking right now. As nice as it would be for him to be calling me mama when he wants me I know it will happen eventually and I’m just enjoying the fact that he is healthy and happy.

This pretty much sums up my last six months. So now I sit here on a gray November day, eight days before we are to have the first Thanksgiving dinner without some of our loved ones, starting this blog. I know I’m lucky to be where I am and be who I’m with. I could be freezing on the street somewhere with a cardboard sign in my hand begging for work or money. I am extremely thankful for Nick’s parents putting up with us this long and can’t wait for the day when we can, somehow, pay them back for what they are doing for us right now. Most of all I am thankful for the things that I have and still am going through because that is what is slowly making me my own person instead of blending in with the people that are all doing the same thing.

P.S. I will be updating this blog with some of my crocheting and other crafty projects sometime in the near future.

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